That day, de day dat i can't remember when, or maybe it was monday.. If i'm not wrong...
I met my twin in town.. As she had agreed to accompany me to 'Kino @ Taka' to buy my Psychology book.. Initially, it was juz to buy de book & dat's all, but, suddenly by some unforseen reasons, we came stumbling upon discussing on de 'much complicated' issue on relationship.. & dat's not all, by some other unpredictable reasons, de facade of my life was opened, revealing 'Who is Acap, actually'..

Dis might sound interestin' but it isn't... In reality, it sound scarier than u've imagined... It all began with my twin, talkin' to me about how relationship, or LOVE which exist as a pure & innocent expression, can one way or another lead us to something sinful when LUST come into de picture.. Couples being very intimate with each other... holding hands... huggin' each other... kissin'... & wat so ever... which can lead to... Adultery.. Premarital Sex.. Zina.. This was de peak of our discussion.. De part dat made us conclude dat in every relationship, 99.999%, this will happen... Scary though.. This conclusion was not made due to our personal opinion, but it was due to our observation on de people around us, frens.. family.. & also due to my personal experiences..

Relating to 'my personal experiences', i suddenly had to open my facade, showing off to my twin 'Who am i'... 'De Good, De Bad or De Ugly?'... Very Questionable.. mmmm...
My facade.. my pesona.. all gone.. down de drain...
Juz becoz i felt guilty.. uneasy.. disgusted @ myself... on how others percieve me... dat made me percieve myself as a Hypocrite.. Liar.. something dat made me say.. 'Ouch!'
They said & always say dat.. i'm good... innocent... & everything nice... Even my twin was saying dat, ' i'm sure you didn't do dat' But, they do not know wat i know.. wat i know about me, myself & i... 'Who am i, actually'

All i wanna say dat, i'm ain't as good as who u all think i am.. i maybe nice to u all but i'm sure ain't nice to myself.. i've done some stupid mistakes.. sinful mistakes.. mistakes from 'relationships'.. mistakes dat will always haunt me.. mistakes dat made me Wake Up!.. made me realise.. God's Unconditional Love.. It's now or never.. i have to Repent..

I regret dat i've met 'She who shall not be named'.. & Grateful dat i've broken up wit her.. Although de regret was too much to take.. until it made me blamed myself fully.. But i've to remember.. everything happen for a reason.. 'Nothing's Coincidental'

So, i hope.. & i plead to u all out there... my fellow brothers & sisters... please change ya perception on me... please don't say dat i'm good.. as it will hurt me.. 'Ouch!' .. as de guilt will haunt me again.. & again..

I wanna change.. please assist me.. support me.. motivate me.. & always remind me.. Dat i need to get closer to God.. Dat God's Love is Unconditional.. Dat it's now or never to repent.. &..
'Dear Allah, pls forgive me, pls accept my repentance, pls provide me with UR Guidance, UR Grace & UR Love.. Pls impart me with patience, peace & strong Iman to go thru UR Challenges & Tests.. Pls provide me, de ability , the strength, to be a responsible Muslim, to do wat U Love & to sway away from wat U hate.. & pls forgive my parents, my family, my brothers & sisters, my friends & all ya creations.. Bestow upon them, UR Grace, Mercy, Love & Guidance.. Ameen..'

To all of ya, my brothers & sisters, if u can & if u haven't.. Please don't be involve in any relationship.. specifically.. "Boy-Girl Relationship" It may seem beautiful... sweet... nice.. but it's juz a facade... It hurts more than make u smile... It can cause some damages to ya self.. & de most unexpected effect will be.. It can lead u to fall into de darkness of life.. Sins.. Somethings dat destroy our faith.. our good moral value.. our 'pureness'.. as Love will, one way or another, become Lust.. Correct me if i'm wrong.. But this is wat i believe in.. & this is my stand on relationship.. After all de relationships i've experienced..

~Love & Lust maybe two different things, but they're juz two different sides of de same thing~

Relek jek bang... Dah kul bape tu...??

Jom, mai pi masjid..

Hey ya!! All dis pics dat i'm gonna show r all de pics from 'Acap in KL/Putrjaya'
As u can see.. dis pic was taken juz behind de Masjid Putra...
Kewl huh? i can really feel de peace der juz by looking @ de placid lake...

Yargh!!!
Dat was it man!! All dat i wanna say but can't be said in reality!!
Or else i will be accused again of disrespectful... too much... goin against authority... yadaa.. yadaa.. wat so eva.. Hpmmhh... or even worse.. i'll get CHARGED!!

Really man.. I can't take this anymore!! De more i work with them... talk with them... be with them... de more i'm goin crazy.. mad.. absurd.. furious.. & not 2 forget.. hot-headed!!

After workin' for 20+hrs on tuesday, tuesday night & wednesday mornin' till afternoon... everybody tends 2 bother me... is it jus my feelings or my thoughts..? Well, it wasn't at all...
When things were starting 2 get tough on me, i went ahead 2 get tough on those things... As de saying goes.. 'When de going gets tough, de tough gets going..'

So.. der i went, talking back 2 others( those who bother me in medical centre) in sarcasm.. retalliate 2 stuffs dat they did 2 me.. & so on.. until one of them( my senior medic) sound it off..'i regret signin' his off form..'

In my heart, i sacarstically shouted out LOUD... 'Well 2 bad, no regrets ah brudder, wat goes around, comes around..HAHAHA!!'

Now, i can see, wat type of people they are... People who juz wear de facade of friendship, in order 2 push others down.. People who will be good 2 u & be sweet, when they're in need but they turn sour, when they have wat they want.. People who always ask rewards for every favour or deeds; may it be small, large or x-tra large.. Argh!! People who r humans but not really human...

Standing ALONE,
Fighting ALONE,
For my pride,
For my rights!!

There's NO back up,
There's NO one at all...
Except those eyes,
Staring at me with injustice!!

Accused i am to be DISRESPECTFUL,
Accused i am to be SNOBBISH,
Accused i am to be STUBORN,
Accuse! Accuse! Accuse!
All the blank accusations without any fair judgements!!

I know i'm different,
Different from the others,
I'm the youngest,
From a total different background!!

But why i'm treated this way?
Being treated as a kid,
When i treat them as my friend,
Being mocked at, most of the time,
When i respect them as my seniors!!

Now, can you all see,
How can i even respect them?
Why i'm stubborn & snobbish?
Why i just can't stand them anymore?!

It's all because of them!!